Scissor cuts but a Kartari Kartayati

December 23, 2020

Writing after a long time or let's just say I was going through the writer’s block. An alert that this post contains many Hindi/Sanskrit words and some may be unfamiliar but that's fine, probably if you read till the end they won't be strange anymore.

The inspiration for this post comes from a chat with my nephew, niece. The word ‘कर्तनम्’ came as we were listening to a Sanskrit story. They know what कर्तरी is so I casually said ‘a scissor cuts but a कर्तरी (Kartari) कर्तयति (Kartayati)’.

By now you probably know what ‘कर्तरी’ and ‘कर्तनम्’ mean. ‘कर्तरि’ (Kartari) is an instrument for cutting. So a Scissor is ‘कर्तरी’. कर्तरी is also the name of a हस्तमुद्रा (hand-gesture) in Indian classical dance - कर्तरीमुख. This mudra is used to denote separation, death, opposition etc. in dance. Interestingly a similar gesture is used to denote victory which people often use while getting photographed or spoiling them to say the truth. What made me ponder more and more is that, by knowing one word, it is easy to know another one - knowing कर्तरी can give me some idea about कर्तयति without knowing too much about the context, knowing कर्तरी and मुख can help me know कर्तरीमुख. ‘Knowing’ here means that it is possible to form an image of the meaning in the mind without having to explain the 2 words in a particular context. If I know only ‘scissor’ then saying the word ‘cut’ won’t help me much without knowing additional context like a sentence where the two words are used.

If we see more, a comic book has pictures and illustrations but a चित्रकथा (comic) has चित्र. A photo and movie may not have much in common but a moving चित्र is indeed चलचित्र (movie). The books are found in the library but a पुस्तक in पुस्तकालय. The Giraffe is the animal with a long neck but दीर्घग्रीवः is the one with a दीर्घ (long) ग्रीवा (neck). A donkey is a donkey and a zebra is a zebra but a गर्दभः (donkey) can become चित्रगर्दभः (zebra) by drawing a little चित्र on it. Applying butter to a fly doesn’t turn it into a butterfly but adding चित्र to a पतङ्ग (fly) can make it look like चित्रपतङ्ग (butterfly). A mountain and a stone are not related and comparable in size but a शिलाखण्ड: (stone) is a खण्डः (part) of a शिला (mountain). A pen can write but the लेखनी for sure लिखति. A chair can be used to sit but आसन्दः (chair/seat) ददाति (gives) आसः (seat). A window may not bring air, but from the वातायनम्, वात: आयाति. Don’t know how many tires a cycle has but द्विचक्रिका has द्वे (2). The slippers might make one slip but पादत्राणम् protects (त्राणं) the feet (पाद). Glasses can sit anywhere but उपनेत्रम् sits close to नेत्रम् (eye). A handkerchief may be the chief of someplace but करवस्त्रम् is just a simple वस्त्रम्. One may have to do more to worship but only needs to take the उप (near) आसनम् (seat) to the lord for उपासना.

I feel like going on and on but hope you were able to relate to some of it. To me personally, anything written in Hindi and sometimes Sanskrit feels like somebody just added visual illustrations to an English story that was previously written in just plain text. Who doesn’t love pictures?

all errors are completely mine!

A love letter to 'Adrak vali chai' (Ginger Tea)

 October 29, 2020

Belmont Teahouse, Portland

My dear ‘Adrak vali chai’,

I am leaving this letter for you on the kitchen countertop so that you read this before we see each other today.

I hope by now you know that we share a bond that is known only to us. When I met you the first time, you moved me beyond my limited world to a place of bliss. Soon your dark complexion became something I could fall for, again, and again. Your spicy nature makes me feel protected every time we meet. Your warmth is absolutely unrivaled. You have that magic in you even when you boil with those violent emotions.

You say you don’t like using fragrances like others, you say you can’t keep up with all the fancy dresses and decorations around. You often tell me how you are told to wear a little elaichi or cinnamon just because the world would adore your beauty a little more. But do you know that this simplicity of yours is what made you shine in my eyes? There seems nothing in the world that I want more when I am with you.

You are my inspiration to get going each day. I wake up craving for your company. I know you don't like to rise early but you still do it for me every single day. I think about why my longings end with you, and a silent sound comes from within that you let me be ‘me’, the one that is at peace. You lift me to cloud nine each day.

Remember the time when we had to be away while we traveled, that was the time I missed you the most. I woke up groggy each day without your company. These days I often excuse myself in between work just to spend some time with you and hold your hands in mine. By now even the coworkers know about you and how precious you are to me.

I am so glad I am getting to spend time with you during this pandemic. While many may be complaining about their partners, I couldn’t have found anyone better than you.

I know you are feeling a little shy and flattered but please take care so you don’t tumble with the overflowing joy :) Looking forward to waking up to your smile each day.

Forever together!

*Raised your eyebrows? This was written as part of an exercise for a writing workshop. The writing prompt was ‘Love Letter to something you love'. The picture is from a teahouse visit in Portland. I would not think of going to a teahouse, at least for the tea, but this one I don't regret. 

मृत्युंजय

सितम्बर ३०, २०२० 

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लगातार लिखते न रहो तो लिखने वाली कलम की स्याही भी सूख जाती है. आजकल बस उस किनारे रखी कलम जैसी स्थिति हो रही है - बार-बार मंथन करने के बाद ही लिखने को विचार आते हैं. डायरी के पन्नो को पलटा तो जैसे बीच में मोड़ के सहेज के रखा कोई पुराना कागज का टुकड़ा मिल गया. काफी समय पहले लिखा था कुछ और उस कागज की तरह किसी किताब के बीच में रख दिया था.

लिखना एक कला ही है, बाकी कलाओं की तरह इसमें भी पढ़ने वाले को मन्त्रमुग्ध करने की शक्ति है. इस बात का अनुभव मुझे बहुत साल पहले एक उपन्यास पढ़ते समय हुआ. मराठी साहित्य के एक प्रसिद्ध लेखक श्री शिवाजी सावंत द्वारा रचित इस उपन्यास के हिंदी संस्करण की प्रति छुट्टियों में पढ़ने को मिली. उपन्यास पढ़ने में मेरी रुचि हमेशा से कम ही रही है और इसकी मोटाई देख शायद वैसे भी सोचा नहीं था कि पूरा होगा. पर इसके विपरीत मेरी पढ़ने की चाल जल्दी ही कछुए से खरगोश की में परिवर्तित हो गयी. 

‘मृत्युंजय’, इस उपन्यास में शिवाजी ने महाभारत के कर्ण को मुख्य पात्र बनाकर लिखा है. मूल उपन्यास मराठी भाषा में है और बाद में ‘भारतीय ज्ञानपीठ’ द्वारा हिंदी अनुवाद प्रकाशित किया गया. उपमा अलंकार के ऐसे अनोखे उदाहरण पढ़ने को मिलते हैं इसमें. उदाहरण के लिए शकुनि मामा राजनीति के बारे में कहते हैं - “राजनीतिज्ञ का मन जंगली चूहे के बिल जैसा होना चाहिए. जैसे यह किसी को पता नहीं चलता वो बिल कहाँ से शुरू होता है और कहाँ जाता है, वैसे ही राजनीतिज्ञ के मन में क्या क्या है इसका किसी को कभी पता चलने देना नहीं चाहिए.” 

इसी पुस्तक के एक संवाद को यहाँ लिख रही हूँ. दुर्योधन और गुरु द्रोणाचार्य के पुत्र अश्वत्थामा के बीच हुए इस काल्पनिक संवाद को पढ़ के जरूर लगेगा कि महाभारत में जिस दुर्योधन का विवरण है वो इस काल्पनिक दुर्योधन से थोड़ी प्रेरणा ले लेता. 

दुर्योधन के मन में इस बात का क्षोभ था कि पाण्डवों को लाक्षागृह में जला कर उसे क्या मिला? उसके जैसे कुरुवंश के राजकुमार को क्या यह शोभा देता है. अचानक उसके मन में प्रश्न उठता है ‘जीवन क्या है?’ ये प्रश्न किसके मन में नहीं आया? दुर्योधन अपने प्रिय मित्र अश्वत्थामा के समक्ष यह प्रश्न रखता है - ‘जीवन क्या है?’ अश्वत्थामा के मन में कुरुवंश के कुमार के लिए बहुत आदर था अतः ऐसे दुर्योधन के सामने जीवन की गुत्थी सुलझाने के लिए शब्द न पाते हुए कहा - जीवन म्यान में रखा हुआ खड्ग है. दुर्योधन की उत्सुकता ये सुन कर और बढ़ जाती है और अपने मित्र को आगे समझाने को कहता है. म्यान शरीर की तरह है और खड्ग की धार उस म्यान में रखा हुआ जैसे शरीर में मन. अश्वत्थामा की कल्पना अभी पूर्ण न हुई थी. आत्मा उस खड्ग की मूठ (hilt) के समान है जिसका उससे सम्बन्ध है भी और नहीं भी. बिना मूठ के न म्यान अच्छी लगेगी और न खड्ग चलाया जा सकता है. 

दुर्योधन के प्रश्न भी अभी समाप्त नहीं हुए थे. आगे पूछा कि शरीर के न रहने पर आत्मा का क्या होता है? या म्यान के नष्ट होने पर मूठ का क्या होता है? अश्वत्थामा को ये याद दिलाना पड़ा कि मूठ को क्या होगा, वो तो कभी म्यान में रहती नहीं है. शरीर के नष्ट हो जाने पर आत्मा का क्या होगा? खड्ग के कारण म्यान में रखी लगती है ये मूठ. ऐसा ही है आत्मा का इस शरीर और मन से सम्बन्ध. 

अश्वत्धामा की अनूठी उपमा की सराहना करें या शिवाजी के निराले लेखन की? शिवाजी सावंत जी का एक और उपन्यास मेरी किताबों की सूची में जुड़ गया है - युगन्धर. 

‘जीवन क्या है?’ - महाभारत काल में (काल्पनिक ही सही) दुर्योधन के मन में यह प्रश्न आया तो उसने अपने मित्र की सहायता से इसका समाधान कर लिया. बीसवीं सदी में एर्विन स्क्रोडिन्गर (भौतिकज्ञ) के मन में फिर यही प्रश्न उठा और उन्होंने इस पर पूरी किताब लिख डाली - What is Life ?. पढ़ी तो नहीं पर दोनों में एक समानता लगती है, जिसके पास जो साधन था उसने उसी से अपने प्रश्नों के उत्तर ढूंढ लिए - खड्ग या भौतिकी, संभवतः उत्तर एक ही मिला होगा.

The exile and the year of disguise

Aug 30, 2020

At Rishikesh

We all know the story of Pandavas exile and then their incognito stay. When Pandavas lost everything in the game of gambling with the Kauravas, the last game of dice forced the Pandavas to accept the condition of spending twelve years in exile and one year incognito such that if they are found during that time, they will need to spend another twelve years in exile. This is mentioned in the Sabha Parva of Mahabharata.

During the twelve years, Pandavas meditated and prepared for the battle they will need to fight for the kingdom after their exile. It most definitely wasn’t an easy time for them. The Vana Parva of the Mahabharata mentions the details about their twelve years of exile in the forest. At the end of twelve years, they had to decide where to spend the next year so they could remain in disguise and not be found by Duryodhana and his allies. Duryodhana being himself, would make all attempts to uncover the Pandavas wherever they may be. Pandavas then chose to be in the kingdom of Virata based on the advice from their priest - Dhaumya. This is mentioned in the Virata Parva of Mahabharata. They decided roles for themselves so that they will be trusted and nobody will find them as Pandavas during that year.

Yudhishthira pretended to be a brahmana and served as an advisor to the king under the name of Kanka. Bhima turned into a cook with the name Vallabha to prepare food for the king. Arjuna used his curse by Urvashi that he would be a eunuch for a year. He became the dance teacher with the name Brihannala for the women of Virata. Nakula became the keeper of Virata’s horses under the name Granthika. Sahadeva became the caretaker of cows as Tantripal. Draupadi turned into queen Sudeshna’s maidservant with the name Sairindhri who pretended to be skilled in dressing hair. An important part of this preparation was to also hide their weapons in a tree so that nobody doubts that they are Kshatriyas. 

The story reminded me of something. It had been thirteen years since I came to the US. Maybe I can call it twelve years of exile and the additional year of incognito stay? This year has felt like incognito, being in disguise so that nobody can figure out the whereabouts. Almost everyone had to play one or more roles to remain in disguise. For some of us, this time is as natural as it probably was for Nakula and Sahadeva. The incognito just fits into our lifestyle and needs. While some others probably had to turn their curse into a blessing and be with it like Arjuna.

Whether one feels like Arjuna, finding themselves in conflict with their identity or is enjoying using one's natural skills, the one-year incognito mode will be over and the battle of Kurukshetra will follow. If the incognito becomes longer, maybe I will be writing on Rama’s return to Ayodhya next year.

all errors are completely mine...

क्या लिखूँ?

मई २०, २०२० 

क्या लिखूँ? शीर्षक पढ़ के या तो आप इसकी पृष्ठभूमि के बारे में समझ गए होंगे या नहीं समझे तो पहले शीर्षक से ही परिचय कराते हैं - ‘क्या लिखूँ’ हिन्दी के एक प्रसिद्ध निबंधकार श्री पदुमलाल पुन्नालाल बख्शी जी द्वारा लिखे एक निबंध का शीर्षक है। हमारे हिन्दी के पाठ्यक्रम में हुआ करता था और तभी से उनका और उनके निबंध का नाम स्मृति में अंकित है। प्रश्न यह है कि उनके निबंध के नाम पर मैंने अपने लेख का नाम क्यों रखा?

मेरी एक प्रिय मित्र निरंतर लिखने को उकसा रहीं हैं और मेरा कहना था कि संभवतः थोड़ा चारदीवारी में बंद होने का प्रभाव है कि चित्त की रणभूमि में आजकल विचारों के संग्राम जैसे रुके हुए हैं। नीचे कुछ पंक्तियाँ सीधे बख्शी जी के 'क्या लिखूँ?' निबंध से अक्षरशः लिख रही हूँ ताकि पहले इस बात का समाधान हो जाए कि मैंने आज उनका शीर्षक क्यों चुना।

लेखक अपने निबंध का प्रारम्भ कुछ इस प्रकार करते हैं -

“मुझे आज लिखना ही पड़ेगा। अंग्रेजी के प्रसिद्ध निबंध-लेखक ए. जी. गार्डिनर का कथन है कि लिखने की एक विशेष मानसिक स्थिति होती है। उस समय मन में कुछ ऐसी उमंग सी उठती है, हृदय में कुछ ऐसी स्फूर्ति-सी आती है, मस्तिष्क में कुछ ऐसा आवेग-सा उत्पन्न होता है कि लेख लिखना ही पड़ता है। उस समय विषय की चिंता नहीं रहती। कोई भी विषय हो उसमे हम अपने हृदय के आवेग को भर ही देते हैं। हैट टांगने के लिए कोई भी खूँटी काम दे सकती है। उसी तरह अपने मनोभावों को व्यक्त करने के लिए कोई भी विषय उपयुक्त है। असली वस्तु है हैट, खूँटी नहीं। इसी तरह मन के भाव ही तो यथार्थ वस्तु हैं, विषय नहीं।”

लिखने से पहले बख्शी जी सोच रहे थे कि उन्होंने कभी ऐसा अनुभव नहीं किया जहाँ भाव अपने आप ही मन में उठ जाएँ। मेरी स्थिति भी आज बख्शी जी की तरह है जो पहले गार्डिनर के कथानुसार ही थी। भाव स्वतः ही आते और आनन फानन में जल्दी कलम चलानी पड़ती कि कहीं इससे पहले वो आए मेहमान चले न जाएँ। बचपन में हिन्दी की परीक्षा से पहले निबंध लिखने के लिए विषय विचार से शब्दों के चुनाव तक खूब अभ्यास के बाद भी स्थिति कभी-कभी ऐसी ही होती थी कि डर लगता था तत्सम शब्दों और विचारों के आने का क्रम ठीक परीक्षा के सीमित समय में अवरुद्ध न हो जाये। जैसे शब्दों के भण्डार को किसी गुप्त झोले में साथ ले जाते थे कि चाहे निबंध का शीर्षक कुछ भी आए, झटपट साथ लाए शब्दों को जोड़ तोड़ कुछ लिखा जा सके।

लेखक को जैसे नमिता और अमिता ने निबंध लिखने को ‘दूर के ढोल सुहावने’ और ‘समाज सुधार’ जैसे दो विषय दिए थे मेरी मित्र ने भी मुझसे जिस विषय पर हम चर्चा कर रहे थे उसी पर लिखने को कहा। उनकी इस निबंध की लेखनशैली की प्रशंसा करने को शब्द नहीं मिल रहे।

"तू भारत में पहाड़ जाकर कुछ बच्चों को coding या और कुछ क्यों नहीं सिखाती?", ऐसा मेरी मित्र का मुझसे प्रश्न था। कुछ लड़कियों का भला हो जाएगा। मेरा कहना था कि co-founder मिलते ही बस वही करने जा रही हूं। मन में एकाएक ‘दूर के ढोल सुहावने होते हैं’ का विचार आया फिर धीरे से नकारात्मक विचारधारा कहीं अन्तर्धान हो गयी। फिर “यदि आज अतीत में जाकर कोई और व्यवसाय ‘चुनने’ का अवसर मिले तो क्या करेगी?”, उसके इस प्रश्न ने सोचने पर बाध्य कर दिया। मेरा मत था कि उस समय जो अवसर मिला बस उसी राह को पकड़ लिया,  चुनने लायक न परिस्थिति थी और न जागरूकता। तदसमयानुसार वही सही था और संभवतया कुछ गलत ही राह होती तो निश्चित ही इस संशोधन के अवसर का लाभ उठाया होता।

इसी विषय पर बात करते हुए प्रश्न था कि हमारी माताओं को कभी घर-बच्चों से आगे अपनी योग्यताओं से ‘समाज सुधार’ करने का मन नहीं हुआ होगा क्या? मेरा सोचना था कि जरूर हुआ होगा मन, पर शायद समाज थोड़ा भिन्न था उस समय। अवसरों की जागरूकता नहीं थी और आदर्शों की कमी भी, पर शायद कोई स्त्री अपने उसी अतीत से खेदग्रस्त हो ऐसा न होगा।

बख्शी जी की इन पंक्तियों को अनुभव कर पा रही हूँ -

“तरुण भविष्य को वर्तमान में लाना चाहते हैं और वृद्ध अतीत को खींचकर वर्तमान में देखना चाहते हैं। तरुण क्रान्ति के समर्थक होते हैं और वृद्ध अतीत-गौरव के संरक्षक। इन्हीं दोनों के कारण वर्तमान सदैव क्षुब्ध रहता है और इसी से वर्तमान काल सदैव सुधारों का काल बना रहता है। दोनों के ही स्वप्न सुखद होते हैं क्योंकि दूर के ढोल सुहावने होते हैं।”

जब लौकडाउन तोड़ना भारी पड़ा

मई ७, २०२०

आज फिर हिंदी में लिखने का मन कर रहा है। स्कूल के समय हिंदी में लिखने में जो आनंद आता था उसकी आज कोई प्रतिस्पर्धा नहीं कर सकता।

आज के लेख की प्रेरणा हिंदी की प्रसिद्ध लेखिका ‘शिवानी’ (गौरा पंत जी) से आ रही है। लिखते समय न जाने क्यों उनका विचार आया। मेरी बहनों और माँ ने उनके खूब उपन्यास पढ़े हैं पर मैं थोड़ा पीछे रही। ‘कालिंदी’, ‘चौदह फेरे’ जैसी एकाध कृतियाँ जो भी पढ़ी वो मन को छू लेने वालीं थीं। अपने लेखन के माध्यम से उत्तराखंड के कुमाऊँ की संस्कृति, जनजीवन और दृष्टिकोण का जो सजीव चित्रण उन्होंने किया है वह अद्भुत ही है। पढ़ते समय घर बैठे ही पहाड़ के कुछ गाँव जरूर घुमा देती थीं कि वापस आने की इच्छा ही नहीं होती थी।

यहाँ अपने बचपन के lockdown की कहानी लिख रही हूँ। कहानी के माध्यम से यही परिणाम पर पहुंची हूँ कि lockdown तोड़ना भारी ही पड़ता है। आजकल घर बैठ कर पता नहीं क्यों बार बार जैसे बचपन के घर में होने की अनुभूति हो रही है। सोचा तो लगा यहाँ के भागते-दौड़ते जीवन के थोड़ा सा रूकने के बाद जैसे सब वहां का जैसा जीवन जी रहे हैं। दुनिया घर तक ही सीमित थी और उसी में खुशी थी। दिन भर बाहर हवा से पेड़ों के पत्ते हिलते देख फिर वही eucalytus के लंबे पेड़ों की सांय-सांय की सी शांति लगती है।

चलिए जिस प्रसंग को छेड़ने की बात की थी, उस पर आते हैं। बात उस समय की है जब मेरी आयु कुछ ५ या ६ वर्ष की थी। हम उस समय काशीपुर नाम के एक छोटे से शहर में किराये के घर में रहते थे। घर क्या कहूं मानो कैलाश पर्वत ही था। हमारे मकान मालिक के बच्चों के नाम (नंदी, गंगा, गणेश) याद आते हैं तो लगता है मानो कैलाश पर्वत पर भगवान शिव के सान्निध्य में ही रहते थे।

घर की जितनी स्मृति है उससे तो लगता है एक बड़ा आँगन था, जिसके साथ ही लगा हुआ एक हैंड पंप भी था, जिससे पानी निकालने का भी अपना ही आनंद था। कभी बचपन में आपने हैंड पंप चलाया हो तो याद होगा कि उसका उपयोग झूले की तरह भी भली प्रकार किया जा सकता है।

यद्यपि घर में मुझसे छोटा एक और भी था पर तब भी मैं घर में छोटे होने का सुख भोग रही थी। गर्मियों में दिन लम्बे होते थे और हमारी माता जी रात को चारों बच्चे सर पर ना नाचें इसलिए दिन में छोटे दो को कमरे में बंद कर सोने का आदेश देती थीं। छोटे को तो उस समय सोने-खाने-रोने के अलावा कुछ आता नहीं था पर रोज के इस lockdown के अत्याचार से मैं अत्यंत परेशान थी। कभी-कभी घंटे भर कमरे में बंद रह के भी नींद नहीं आती थी। बड़ी दो बहनें बाहर खेल रही हैं ये सोच के संभवतया थोड़ी ईर्षा भी होती थी। आखिर स्वतंत्रता किसे प्यारी नहीं होती।

ऐसे ही मन मार के रोज सोने का कार्यक्रम चल रहा था कि एक दिन मेरी दोनों बहनों ने माता जी के सोने के बाद मुझे कमरे से बाहर निकालने के लिए बाहर से ही कुंडी खोलने की खूब कोशिश की। उनकी मेहनत के फलस्वरूप दरवाजा खुल गया और जल्दी ही मैं बाहर आ गयी।

कैद से छूटने का उत्साह क्या होता है ये शायद उस क्षण पता चला होगा। पर वो उत्साह ज्यादा देर टिका नहीं। शीघ्र ही एक काले मोटे चीटे ने आ मेरे पैर के अंगूठे में काट लिया। अगर आपको कभी काटा है तो पता होगा की इस काले चीटे के काटने से खून की जमुना बह जाती है। लाल चींटी काटती जरूर है पर कभी खून खराबे पर नहीं आती।

फिर क्या था, माँ की डांट के डर से मेरी बहनों ने कुछ कपड़े (या कागज?) लेके मेरे अंगूठे में बाँध दिया। इतना रक्त मैंने पहली बार देखा था कि शायद उसी कारण ये किस्सा भी स्मृति में अंकित हो गया। आसमान से गिर के खजूर पे अटकना क्या होता है ये इस घटना के कारण स्कूल जाने से पहले ही सीख लिया था मैंने।

lockdown तोड़ने का दंड जैसे खुद ही मिल गया था पर उसके साथ ही बचपन की यादें भी मिल गयीं।

lockdown तोड़ दंड के भोगी ना बनें, घर बैठ आज्ञा का पालन करें।

भट्ट का जौला

अप्रैल २९, २०२०

आज का लेख हिंदी में लिख रही हूँ।

अपनी बचपन की एक मित्र से हुए वार्तालाप से प्रेरणा प्राप्त हुई। लेख का विषय वस्तुतः एक पहाड़ी व्यंजन है, पर लिखने की प्रेरणा उनसे वार्तालाप से मिली।

यूं तो हम केवल ३ साल साथ पढ़े थे पर उतने ही समय में एक दूसरे को ऐसे जान गए जैसे बचपन से साथ हों। स्कूल में घुटने से घुटना मिला कर दरी पर बैठते थे, कभी उनका घुटना ऊपर तो कभी हमारा। ये मित्र आजकल अपना आराम देय पहाड़ छोड़ मुंबई की माया नगरी में अपना जीवन यापन कर रही हैं।

इस lockdown के दौरान वो मित्रों में पहलीं थी जिन्होंने कुशलक्षेम पूछी। बाकी समय तो हमारी बात बहुधा नहीं होती पर आजकल हर सप्ताह दो सप्ताह में कुशल मंगल पूछने का कार्यक्रम दोनों ही ओर से चल रहा था।

वार्तालाप का विषय corona की भयाक्रांत स्थिति के अलावा अन्तःकरण के अन्य विषय होते रहे। दिल्ली की तब्लीग़ी जमात के कारण अपने पुश्तैनी गांव में क्या हलचल हुई इस बात का भी खेद था। सोबन सिंह बेस अस्पताल की स्थिति दोनों को ही ज्ञात थी। इस बीच उसका प्रश्न - क्यों अपने पहाड़ छोड़ मुंबई आ गए। उत्तर में मुझसे भी रुका नहीं गया - बहन तुम मुंबई चली गईं और हम यहां दूर सात समुद्र पार।

थोड़ी सांत्वना देने को मैने भी कह दिया कि अब बस जल्दी पहाड़ ही वापस जायेंगे। बातों ही बातों में बात पहाड़ी और उनके सीधेपन पर आ गयी। इतनी सीधे तो ताड़ के पेड़ ही होते हैं, कहां कोई हमें समझ सकता है। विषय को गंभीरता से थोड़ा हटाने के लिए चर्चा का विषय खाने पर आ गया। तो मेरी मित्र बोलीं, व्यंजन भी कहां समझ सकते हैं हम पहाड़ियों के।

भट्ट का जौला कहो तो पूछते हैं कि उसमे क्या-क्या पड़ता है। ‘कुछ भी नहीं पड़ता’ कहो तो उन्हे लगता है ये कैसा पकवान हुआ। 

शायद भट्ट के जौले की विधि पढ़ के ही उन्हें समझ आ सकता है। आपको भी अपने पहाड़ के इस अनूठे व्यंजन से परिचित कराते हैं -

'भट्ट' एक प्रकार के काले सोयाबीन हैं जो उत्तराखंड में बहुत प्रकार से बना कर खाया जाता है. जौला, चुड़कानी, डुबके इनमे कुछ हैं। इन सब में जौला सबसे सरल और सुपाच्य है। इसे भीगी भट्ट की दाल को सिल-बट्टे पर पीस कर चावल के साथ कढ़ाई में पानी डाल के पका कर बनाया जाता है। इसमें, तेल, नमक, मसाले नहीं डाले जाते। बस खाते समय ऊपर से हरा नमक डाल के खाया जाता है।

अब आप पूछेंगे कि नमक 'हरा' कब से होने लगा?

Keertimukha - The Face of Glory

March 25, 2020

This post had been a draft, pending formatting since last year. For this post, I am turning into the Narada muni (नारद मुनि) and tell the story of the monster face, Keertimukha (कीर्तिमुख) - the face of glory.

Keertimukha is used as a design motif extensively in the Gopurams in Hindu temple architecture. I mostly saw it in temples built in South Indian architecture, but I could spot it in the North India as well. Outside of India, it is also found in the Buddhist architecture in China, Tibet, Indonesia, Nepal, etc.

Look for the top most entity in the Gopuram picture below. The picture is of Arunachaleshwara temple in Tiruvannamalai. Added more pictures with Keertimukha at the end of the post.

Arunachaleshwara temple - look at the top most entity in the sky

The story of Keertimukha (कीर्तिमुख) is mentioned in multiple Hindu purananas. The story below is from the Padma Purana (पद्म पुराण). I haven't read the Purana but I added the relevant excerpts below. There are inconsistencies in the stories but the symbolism is probably more important. To me symbolism is a great source of understanding. Symbolism is capable of making one understand the thing that can't be expressed in words or definitions.

Keertimukha is connected with the asura Jalandhara (जलन्धर - one who holds water). Keertimukha's story is an incident inside the tale of Jalandhara. Jalandhara is first mentioned when Narada goes to see the Pandavas in the Kamyaka forest (काम्यक वन). Distressed Yudhishthira (युधिष्ठिर) asks Narada that which one of their actions made them fall for this. Narada then asks him to leave the grief as even the Gods had to deal with their share of grief.

ईश्वरोपि हि न स्थायी पीड्यते देहसंचयैः।

न दुःखरहितः कश्चिद्देही दुःखसहो यतः।।

He gives Yudhishthira the example that the Sun gets eclipsed by Rahu, even Rahu's (originally known as Svarbhaanu) head was cut by Vishnu when he falsely drank the nectar during Samudra Manthanam. Vishnu also was thrown into the deep ocean by brave Jalandhara, who himself was then killed by Shiva.

शरीरं सवितुर्यस्माद्राहुस्तद्ग्रसते बली। 

राहोरपि शिरश्छिन्नं शौरिणामृतभोजने।। 

सोऽपि शार्ङ्गधरो देवः क्षिप्तः सागरगह्वरे।

जालंधरेण वीरेण निहतः सोऽपि शंभुना।।

Yudhishthira became curious about Jalandhara. Narada then tells him the story of Jalandhara's birth. The same event can be found described with multiple stories in different places and in different ways in the Uttara Khanda (उत्तर खण्ड). The stories that are mentioned below are one of the versions of the same story or events described differently in two different places (Chapter 3 and Chapter 99).

Story of Jalandhara's Birth 

The story starts with Indra (इन्द्र) visiting Shiva on Mount Kailash. Indra along with other gods performed a beautiful dance in front of Shiva. Shiva was pleased and asked Indra that he can ask for a boon. Indra was quite proud of his power and asked Shiva for a battle in which he would get to fight against a powerful person like Shiva.

यत्र त्वत्सदृशो योद्धा तद्युद्धं देहि मे प्रभो।

Shiva granted him the boon. Indra then left from Kailash but Shiva was angry with Indra's arrogance and then his anger manifested as a body in front of him. It asked Shiva for what it should do for him. Shiva then gave that body the order to go and conquer Indra after reaching the Ocean.

Meanwhile, the River Ganga meets Ocean and a brave son comes into existence from Ganga. The boy cried so loudly that even the earth shook and Brahma (ब्रह्मा) came out of his meditation. Brahma then goes to the Ocean and asks why the ocean was crying. Ocean replies that it isn't him but his mighty son that is roaring. Ocean gives his son to Brahma and the child grabs Brahma's beard. Brahma wasn't able to get the hands of the child off his beard. Brahma named him Jalandhara as the tears came out of his eyes when his beard was shaken by this child.

नेत्राभ्यां विधृतं यस्मादनेनैतज्जलं मम।
तस्माज्जलंधर इति ख्यातो नाम्ना भवत्यसौ।।   

So this is the story of how the powerful Jalandhara was born. Note, he was born because of Shiva's anger. He also got the boon from Brahma that Gods will not be able to conquer him. Later he became friends with Rahu who acted as his messenger. This Jalandhara was the one that also fought in a war with Indra and other Gods. So how is Jalandhara connected to the story of Keertimukha who is the star of this post?

Story of Keertimukha 

Once Narada muni tells Jalandhara that he had been to Mount Kailash and had seen Shiva whose beautiful wife Parvati is like a gem and doesn't compare to any of the gems the mighty king like Jalandhara has. This makes Jalandhara full of lust and he sends his messenger Rahu to Mount Kailash. Rahu on meeting with Shiva tells him that Parvati, the daughter of Mount Himalaya is like a gem and only suits to be with Rahu who is the lord of jewels.

श्मशानवासिनो नित्यं मुंडमालाधरस्य च।

दिगंबरस्य ते भार्या कथं हैमवती शुभा।।

अहं रत्नाधिनाथोऽस्मि सा च स्त्री रत्नसंज्ञका।

तस्मान्ममैव सा योग्या नैव भिक्षाशिनस्तव।।

Shiva grew angry and a fierce man was produced from the space between his eyebrows. The face of this man was like that of a lion, his tongue was moving, his eyes were fierce and he was great. His hair was upright, body dry and he was like Narasimha.

सिंहास्यः प्रचलज्जिह्वः सज्वलन्नयनो महान्।

ऊर्ध्वकेशः शुष्कतनुर्नृसिंह इव चापरः।।

The man was about to eat Rahu when Rahu became full of fear and asked Shiva for his protection. Shiva being the protector for anyone who seeks it, asked the fierce man to not kill Rahu as he is just a messenger and dependent on someone else. Rahu then left from there but the man was still hungry and asked Shiva, his master, about what he should eat now.

क्षुधा मां बाधते स्वामिन्क्षुत्क्षामश्चास्मि सर्वथा।

किं भक्ष्यं मम देवेश तदाज्ञापय मां प्रभो।।

Shiva casually asks him to eat his own hands and feet.

संभक्षयात्मनः शीघ्रं मांसं त्वं हस्तपादयोः।

The man then ate his hands and feet and only his head remained. Shiva, unaware of what the man did, looked at him with just the head left, was pleased with his devotion and obedience and said, "With the name of 'Keertimukha' you remain at my door always. Those who do not honor you, do not do what is dear to me".

त्वं कीर्तिमुखसंज्ञो हि भव मद्द्वारगः सदा। 

त्वदर्चां नैव कुर्वंति नैव ते मत्प्रियंकराः।।

Since then Keertimukha remains at the door of the Lord. You can spot him above or near Shiva in the pictures below.

Narada concludes his talk with Yudhishthira: O king, I have told you the tale of Jalandhara, the hero of the world to remove your grief. Now you must remember that as long as the body lasts, one being influenced by that, will experience pains and pleasures. O king, there is no greater protection than knowledge. Even Krishna and others experienced pain and pleasure when bound in the body.

तुभ्यं दुःखनिरासाय प्रोक्तमाख्यानमुत्तमम्। 

यावद्देहोस्ति कर्माणि सुखदुःखानि कर्मतः।। 

देही भुंक्ते वशो राजन्त्राणं न ज्ञानतः परम्। 

कृष्णादीनां देहबंधे सुखदुःखादि वर्तते।।

Below are more pictures from my previous trips where I found Keertimukha.

Keertimukha used for decorative border, Hazaar-Rama Temaple - Hampi, Karnataka

Keertimukha above Shiva, Neelkanth Mahadev - Rishikesh, India

Keertimukha above Nataraja, Sivananda Ashram, Rishikesh, India

Keertimukha above Adi Shankaracharya, Kailash Ashram, Rishikesh, India

Colored Keertimukha in the Bottom right corner, Some temple while driving through Pondicherry, India

Arunachaleshwara temple decorations

Asteya in the Current Times

March 15, 2020

Niece accidentally painted Coronavirus!

The world is going through a tough time. How did we end up here?

Even though we are all socially distant (or more socially connected virtually?), no one is quite alone in it. It feels like we have been given the time to slow down, to sit at home longer so this could very well be a reflecting moment. Could we see this as a time to meditate on what we could do differently?

If you are connected to the world through any of the social media - Facebook, WhatsApp, etc., you have probably heard about or seen empty shelves in stores, people in line with carts waiting outside of big departmental stores, the inability to find hand soap, sanitizers, and other such essentials, etc at least in the America.

A well-wisher and friend called up to remind me to buy some essentials to keep myself equipped in case of need. Toilet paper, groceries were among the few that I was told to buy. I had been hearing about stockpiling and the shortage of essentials from my co-workers. It did make me think about what I needed to do.

I had a ‘wait a minute moment’ while I was thinking about what and if I need to get anything. I made a list of all the things I eat on any normal day and the list could fit in the top half of a small sticky note. Then came the question of do I need toilet paper? Almost 6 years ago, I installed bidet in the toilet to get back to my Indian standards. Since then the toilet papers are there for my guests and at this time, my guests are probably busy buying their own toilet papers.

Looking at my $10 bill at the Indian store during the last visit, the guy behind the billing counter mentioned that people are hoarding groceries worth $600. There was a sadness and a sense of worry on his face. I heard that the stores are now doing rationing. I bought some potatoes and taro root, both of which can last long. Coincidently later my mother mentioned how their neighbors asked them to buy some potatoes and kerosene oil after a flood warning long back - Potatoes to eat and Kerosene oil to light the stove.

So where is the need to stockpile coming from? It could very well be pointed to the self-preservation instinct or fear of death in a negative form. Self-preservation makes one buy the things one might need for a few weeks if one needs to quarantine themselves, but going overboard with it becomes hoarding, a natural outcome of ignorance.

I could relate it to what Patanjali says as the five Kleshas (क्लेशा:), afflictions or causes of suffering for human beings.

अविद्यास्मितारागद्वेषाभिनिवेशाः क्लेशाः॥2.3॥

Ignorance, egoism, attachment, hatred (aversion), and clinging to life are the five kleshas or state of a suffering mind.

अभिनिवेश (clinging to life) is the last one and deeply rooted in every human being.

The hoarding can be described in two ways, one gross and the other subtle: Parigrah (परिग्रह - possessing or grasping unnecessary) and Steya (स्तेय - stealing). Accumulating goods simply is possessing more than one needs. When one hoard, they are not just possessing it but also subtly stealing something from others who could very well make use of it. By possessing more, one contributes to raising the prices and even making things unavailable for others to use.

The opposite of Parigrah and Steya are Aparigrah (अपरिग्रह - non-possessiveness) and Asteya (अस्तेय - non-stealing) respectively - two of the five Yamas of Ashtanga Yoga. Yamas are the first of the eight angas (limbs) in Patanjali’s Ashtanga Yoga and described as self-regulating behavior in our interactions with the world. Patanjali gives assurance that if Asteya is followed, all ‘wealth’ will be available.

अस्तेयप्रतिष्ठायां सर्वरत्नोपस्थानम् ॥2.37 ||

To the one who is established in non-stealing, all wealth comes.

On a positive note, I see people coming forward to help and share in my neighborhood. Young folks have created virtual groups to help the elderly by bringing groceries to their door so they can avoid the fear of catching anything.

While it may appear like a difficult task to follow Asteya, one doesn’t need to go to a yoga class to practice it!

The 11th C

March 5, 2020

Central Park, New York

The airplane doors closed, the pilot gave a warm welcome, the flight attendant made sure both Hindi and English speaking passengers understood how to fasten the seatbelt and that if the air pressure in the cabin changes dramatically, it’s ok to be selfish and save your life first. The airplane quickly cut through the clouds and floated in the air for the next 3 hours before touching the ground at the Lucknow airport. I have been to Lucknow many times, but this was the first time I landed at the Lucknow airport.

Lucknow, the City of Nawabs, is associated with many of my childhood memories. During the few days in Lucknow last year, I got an invitation to be part of Sham-e-Awadh - annual function at my nephew's school. The chief guest for the day was Mr. Shomie Das, a former teacher, Principal and an Education consultant who previously also served as headmaster of The Doon School, Dehradun. His speech was targeted towards the parents in the hall and focused on how to prepare the kids for the world that is full of options at every stage whether it's choice for food or school, career, life partner, place to live, etc.

He mentioned these 10 qualities (10Cs as he called them) that the kids today will benefit from as humans and citizens. There were a few in it that resonated with me instantly. He wasn’t focused on how and what to do so that the kids become the 'best' in the world. The 10 Cs he mentioned are:

Creativity, Curiosity, Critical thinking, Communication, Choice, Courtesy, Collaboration, Candid, Citizenship, Compassion

The need for compassion (unconditional acceptance) - दया, करुणा was spot on. The constant lack of harmony can be improved if there is more empathy and compassion. The same principle applies to any area of life be it personal or professional.

Sage Patanjali mentions करुणा as a key factor if one wants to be happy with oneself. This is one where I feel that adults need to learn more than the kids.

मैत्रीकरुणामुदितोपेक्षाणां सुखदुःखपुण्यापुण्यविषयाणां भावनातः चित्तप्रसादनम् ॥1.33॥

(One can cultivate a peaceful mind by being friendly towards happy people, compassionate towards the ones who are suffering, delighted with those who are virtuous, and undisturbed by those who are harming.)

The world has moved from being a place that more or less felt secure to a constant place of competition. In the olden days, people knew what they were going to do when they grow up - learn some occupational skills from their parents and follow the same profession. It isn't the same anymore, one is forced to think about what they want to ‘become’ from childhood. I joke about how my grandfather made the mistake of not forcing his kids to follow what he did for a living and for that reason we are out and away from the serenity of our home in India.

It seems essential to have more compassion than the competition in the current world. Compassion helps lower the insecurity around. One can’t make good choices in life without having compassion for oneself and others.

Collaboration and citizenship are other elements that are much needed in the current state of the world. Even though Competition and Collaboration both start with C, Collaboration requires one to look at the common goal whereas competition forces one to look at other people and compare.

I felt there is an important C that is not in the list. I want to end this note with my 11th ‘C’. Concede - Surrender, Ishwara Pranidhana (ईश्वर-प्रणिधान), Ishwara Prasada Buddhi (ईश्वर-प्रसाद-बुद्धि). While life will be full of choices, one will encounter choiceless situations more than the choices. Choice in actions is essential but one has no choice or control on the results. The seed sown in a well-plowed land may not necessarily bear a good crop. At that point, this 11th ‘C’ will be most useful - acceptance with Grace!

When I got caught by the Police

December 30, 2019

In the rearview mirror!

This is a real-life story and I am sure many can relate to this. It used to be an embarrassing incident but since then has turned into a funny story and had inspired a few others in a similar situation. A number of us dealt with that initial anxiety caused by the thought of having to drive, specifically on highways. 

Do you know that driving on highways is one of the most common causes of anxiety? Its phobia version also has a name - Vehophobia.

I lived in California for about a year and a half without owning a car in the times when services like Uber and Lyft didn't exist. I relied on public transport to the extent that I was teased that I always needed to find a rental place next to the train station. After getting a valid license to drive, I finally bought a Car. 

It was 2011, a year after I had bought a red ferrari (aka car) and was actually driving everywhere but with a catch - I had not gone onto freeway alone ever. Every route would usually involve some highway in between, it was a bit tough for me to use it and not end up on the highway. To be my lazy self, I had turned the ‘Avoid highway’ option 'on' in the Garmin GPS device that I had, which meant that it’s going to show only the routes that go through internal city roads. Google Maps is smarter but these devices weren't.

Having survived two layoffs at Adobe during the downturn of 2009-2010, I was in the process of finding a new job. I was appearing for an onsite interview with a company in San Mateo, very close to my house. Almost all of us have some stress before interviews, presentations, etc. and I am no different. I took my car to get to the interview location. I was using my GPS navigator. There was a left turn that needed to be made to drive into the company's parking lot and I missed that!

The lane I was on became ‘Left only’ with a ‘No U-Turn’
 sign. Then the ‘Left only’ lane turned ‘Freeway only’. What more could I expect? It was like some conspiracy against me. My single shot ‘stresspresso’
 turned into a double shot one in no moment - the interview stress and the add-on of ‘I have no clue where am I supposed to go’. 

Remember my non-smart GPS device was on ‘avoid highway’ mode so it stopped telling me any route to get to my destination. The ‘stresspresso’ kicked in and I stopped my car on the side of the freeway entrance which had quite a lot of parking space but was neither a legal nor a safe place to park. 

Trying to find my route back through the dumb GPS device, I was just parked there when I saw the Police car behind me. The policeman came to my window and knocked. I rolled down the window and he said, “Mam, do not come out of the car. Why are you stopped here?”. I told him what had happened and that I was trying to find my way back and I was not comfortable going onto the highway.

We continued to talk through the window. Usually one won't be happy being interrogated by a Police officer but I was relieved that he came and asked. He understood my genuine concern and offered to help.

He said, “I will help you get onto the highway and take the exit”. He took out his loudspeaker and told me to follow him. 
“Look over your shoulder, merge with the traffic ….. take the next exit”, were the words before the man and his voice both disappeared. 

I got to the interview and also got the job offer, though I didn’t end up joining that company.

The 'No U-Turn' sign from that experience remained in my head. After that on a weekend, I decided that it’s going to be a do or die day. I will go onto the freeway and either will get rid of this limitation once and for all or won’t return home. I took the car, got on to Highway 101 and drove from San Mateo to Mountain View just to buy groceries at the Milk Pail Market. Since then I haven’t looked back. I also stopped relying on GPS and trust my mental map and navigation more than the smart maps now. 

Fear of missing the highway exits and not being able to find my way back was probably the primary cause of not wanting to drive on freeway. I dealt with the issue by using Google street view beforehand to familiarize myself with the route and exits. I left the other silent concern of 'who will be in trouble if I accidentally end up in a hospital?' aside.

I also reminded myself that the appearance of fear is a false evidence. Fear, after all, is False Evidence Appearing Real. 

Since then, this incident has become a fun story and every time I shared it, someone would quote either themselves or their friends who still don’t consider driving on the highway. Just recently, a coworker who had recently moved from another country and was in the process of learning to drive here and get a license mentioned that they are still learning and aren’t yet comfortable. Everyone else in that lunch group started sharing their embarrassing yet funny driving stories. 

Hopefully, this story will inspire someone to get past their fear of driving and not take it on themselves, it is a genuine and well known area of concern among many people. And I am glad that my so far the only encounter with the Police was a pleasant one. 

Until next year... 

Listen! Don't try everything in English

I mentor a young schoolgirl in India. We do video calls once a week and during that time I can either help her with anything that she needs help with or I will make her do some exercises. I was told she needs help with English so I focus on English. Frankly speaking, I was a bit conflicted inside that do I want to teach English. I was also told that these kids don't have people in their family who can help them. A whispering voice came from inside, "can you keep your ideologies aside and focus on the need of the hour?". Often we don’t realize that the little time we give to someone can mean so much to them. Let’s call this girl ‘Radhika’ for our conversation. She is in 10th std.

Radhika would ping me on our defined day with a WhatsApp message ‘Hi mam, today is my skype’ which often makes me laugh as I am not used to hearing mam and we don’t end up using skype. My initial impressions about Radhika was that she is a smart and fearless girl. Initially, I was supposed to talk to her in English so that she gets comfortable conversing in English but I decided not to do that and since she understands decent Hindi, we communicate in Hindi. 

In one of our chats, I asked Radhika if she had any specific topic she would like help with. She did come up with a topic - direct and indirect speech. I don't remember learning anything in school since it had been so many years. I explained to her how to convert direct to indirect speech in Hindi. I wanted to avoid just telling the general grammar rules as her teacher might have already done that. Imagine explaining direct and indirect speech in English when your explanation itself will have those. We did a few examples and then she had to rush to school. Before we hung up, I asked her if this was helpful to her. She said, “this was very helpful”. Since then I have seen her improve in the homework.

The next time I asked Radhika the same question, “do you have any specific topics you need help with today?”. "No", she said so I had to come up with a task for her. I made her read a story of a few pages from her textbook to see her level of comprehension. While she had a regional accent, her comprehension was good. I noticed that she has a habit of eating words. She would eat some of the articles (‘a’, ‘the’), interchange them or twist and make new words while in a hurry. I stopped and corrected her every time she did that. Then there was a phrase in one of the sentences - ‘part and parcel’. I asked her if she understood what that means. She read it as ‘part’ and ate ‘the parcel’. I said, "can you explain the meaning of the phrase to me?". To my surprise, instead of coming up with a verbose explanation in English she said ‘अविभाज्य अंग’. Next, there was the phrase ‘new dimension’. And she was quick to say ‘दृष्टिकोण’. Her textbook has English meanings of these phrases. I was so happy as she reminded me of myself during school and my love for the तत्सम words. By now I had guessed that Radhika is strong in Hindi. I was curious if she studies Sanskrit as a subject in school as Hindi isn’t her mother tongue. She smiled and said, “no”. I asked her why she smiled. I thought she might say what will one do with Sanskrit. But she said, “Sanskrit is hard to learn”. I didn’t say much and we moved on to reading the next paragraph. 

Why am I writing about her? Of course, she reminded me of my old days and brought a smile. But more than that I wanted to write about the overly hyped need for English speaking. There are other more dangerous things than not being able to speak in English, like making it mandatory to speak in English in schools, teaching in English when the kids don't know that language, thinking that getting educated in English medium is the only way to get a job, taking English fluency to be a sign of intelligence. Humans are born with a sense of inadequacy and if one is made to feel inadequate because one isn't proficient in a foreign language, it can't be anything other than a disaster.

While the listening, speaking, reading, writing order is probably good for learning one's mother tongue, it seems the reading, writing, comprehending, speaking may be better suited for learning a second language that English is. There is a fundamental difference when one learns something in their mother tongue versus when it is taught in a language that isn't their first language. It is much easier to learn a concept if it's explained in one’s mother tongue or a language close to that. It's also not important to fluently speak in English to feel confident. As long as one can read, write, comprehend it, that fulfills the purpose of learning English for most kids in India. One can get used to converse over time. It would be a bit worrisome to not be able to speak in your mother tongue but that doesn’t apply to other languages.

I don’t know where this girl will go but I do see the potential and the confidence in her. I hope I would be able to influence her fluency in the subtleties of life more than her fluency in English.

Laugh at your own risk

(scene from an Indian Railway compartment, people who don't like middle berth sometimes occupy someone else's berth and don't want to give it to the actual ticket holder)

Freedom From Fear and Rebuilding Trust

December 8, 2019

The recent Hyderabad veterinarian incident brought some thoughts from some experiences I had this time while I was in India. The fundamental problem behind these incidents isn’t really specific to India as we know, the crime against women is a global issue. 

The ongoing women’s dignity and safety issues made me think about how deeply-rooted the fears we have that we live with every day. There were 2 times when I had all the reasons to be careful and then the hidden fears underneath showed up on the surface. Being on either side of mistrust is ugly. 

I was traveling in a cab (a trusted one and I had no reason to feel unsafe) from one place to another through a bit deserted location, unknown to me and coincidently in Hyderabad. I have a habit of keeping maps navigation on while I ride in cabs. Almost 10 minutes into the ride, I noticed we are not on any of the routes I would expect us to be. I managed to keep calm and questioned the driver “where ARE you going?”. It looked like some miscommunication or mishearing on his side that he had a completely different destination in his mind. We sorted out the confusion, course-corrected, he profusely apologized and I told him that it’s all good, it was only a misunderstanding and not really his fault. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at the deep-rooted fears we have been living with every day. 

The second time I was outside with my sister and 6 yr old niece and after struggling to get an uber we finally found an autorickshaw (3 wheeler) to get back home from an area I am not very familiar in Bangalore. A few minutes into the ride the guy took a U-turn to a different route. My ‘alert’ antenna went up and I started questioning him. At that moment I turned on the navigation in maps. Then the guy started asking questions to my niece about her school including location, names of her teacher, etc. A child can only speak the truth so she answered and then soon slept off. His questions seemed unnecessary and I could see the sense of concern on my sister’s face. I silently told myself that we could scream or jump out of the autorickshaw if needed and then decided to enquire about him instead of letting him ask us more personal questions. I was curious about his extreme interest in my niece. Turned out the guy was a family man with a kid of similar age and worked as an auto driver for school kids drop-offs. Throughout the trip, he took many detours through small and not so well lit alleys and at one point I told him to just take the main road even if it takes longer to go from there. By the end of the trip, I knew about his family history, where he and his sister studied, and his life philosophies. My conclusion about him was that he was a well-intentioned super talkative person who wants to make a genuine connection with his passengers but is living in a world where trust has been eroded so much that it will be a while before we can have such conversations and not doubt a potential mishap. 

The fundamental need to live life with dignity and the sense that this freedom can easily be violated has caused a lot of women to constantly live in fear. No wonder we are seeing the women only parks, women driven cab services and such. It was uncomfortable to feel the same fears surface up now and then but the opportunity to be curious made the difference. Once you get past that, you would have likely discovered a new dimension that wasn’t visible before. Fear creates duality – it projects itself, distorting reality, creating false perceptions, changing the story leading to bad judgments. The outside world will change on its own time but till then meditation is probably the only foolproof way to transmute the mind and get rid of the impressions of the past.

Be careful, not fearful!

Teachers Day

September 5, 2019

Inspiration for this post is a school friend who pinged me this morning and told that she was waiting to see an article on Teachers’ day :)

What makes one guru? 

गुकारस्त्वन्धकारस्तु रुकार स्तेज उच्यते |

अन्धकार निरोधत्वात् गुरुरित्यभिधीयते ||

(‘Gu’ means darkness or ignorance, ‘Ru’ means light or the essence. Guru is the one who removes the darkness of ignorance with the light of knowledge)

I have been fortunate (like most of us) to have found wonderful gurus in my school teachers all my life, even while studying in a government college where you really don’t pay to get an education. I was remembering all those dedicated teachers who gave me that much attention and brought out the good in me. Each one of them was an epitome of knowledge. May be they were the reason that becoming a teacher has always been a hidden dream somewhere. 

My teacher in 1st grade was the one who asked my parents to get my eyesight tested. I must say she really took me from darkness to light. I won’t have been able to grasp the fundamentals of mathematics without the middle school teacher who made them so easy to understand. They still make every single day bright with their good morning wishes. That foundation likely prepared me to support our intermediate maths teacher by being her writing hands when she could not see. Should I really say she could not see? don’t think so, given that her mind was so sharp to see everything. All I had to do was quote the problem and she would start telling me what and how to do. I couldn’t have understood what force means without the गुरुत्व of the physics गुरु who taught बल and गुरुत्वाकर्षन. I couldn’t have learnt to avoid the common english grammar mistakes without our wonderful english teacher. There were teachers who called us to their homes when the school was shut down due to protests. The teacher who encouraged me to try to maintain the good handwriting that even today when I write in cursive, it reminds me of her every single time. 

The expenditure on my education may have been लघु but what I got from all these teachers is really गुरु. On this teachers’ day, quoting the first verse of the guru paduka stotram by Adi Shankaracharya: 

अनंत संसार समुद्र तार नौकायिताभ्यां गुरुभक्तिदाभ्यां |

वैराग्य साम्राज्यद पूजनाभ्यां नमो नमः श्री गुरु पादुकाभ्यां ||

(I prostrate to those padukas of my guru, which are a boat helping cross the ocean of samsara, providing with the sense of devotion towards the guru and by worship of which I gain the empire of vairagya)

Oornanabhi and the Samsara

August 8, 2019

Oornanabh in the Balcony

One of the names for spider in Sanskrit is - Oornanabhi, ऊर्णनाभि:. The inspiration for this post comes from this beautiful little spider that I found in my apartment balcony one morning. My daily morning routine is to go out on the balcony and offer some water to the sun god who provides us the light to keep seeing clearly. As usual I went out on the balcony and as I was about to go around the big planter so I could turn eastward, I noticed this little creature and his creation all the way from the balcony railing to the plant - approximately 4 feet. It reminded me of many things and for some reason brought a smile on my face. I decided to not disturb it or remove the web. The first day I tried to take a picture, it ran away as I removed the other planter and then the next day managed to go close and capture.

So how does a spider build the web? Spiders are known to be born with the intelligence of building their webs. Spiders have glands in their abdomen that produce silk protein. It can produce different types of these silk proteins that then solidify to become silk strands. Some strands are sticky which are used to form the bridge that form the strong foundation for the web. Sticky strands also help trap the insects as food. The threads are known to be stronger than steel threads. The spider uses other non-sticky strands in the web to move around without getting stuck in its own web while it weaves. It also uses the web to protect its eggs as well as for transporting itself from one point to another like a zipline. Spider can feel the vibrations when an insect lands on the web. Spiders also consume their own web to save the cost of regenerating the silk proteins again as they renovate or replace the web frequently.

A verse from Mundaka Upanishad illustrates the similarity between the spider web creation and the samsara creation:

यथोर्णनाभिः सृजते गृह्णते च यथा पृथिव्यामोषधयः संभवन्ति ।

यथा सतः पुरुषात्केशलोमानि तथाऽक्षरात्संभवतीह विश्वम् ॥

(As the spider creates and absorbs back the web, as the medicinal plants grow on earth, as the hair grow out of humans, so does the universe comes from the Imperishable.)

There is so much more to talk about the above but that is for another time. To create anything, one needs some intelligence and then some material. For example, this post was created using some intelligence and some material in the form of words. This is how Ishwara’s (ईश्वर) creation - the macrocosm, is understood. ईश्वर used intelligence as well as material to create the world. The creation is described similar to the spider web creation where the intelligence and the material are from a single source. It has the power to absorb the creation as well. Interestingly the same dance of creation happens within us - the microcosm. Our body cells die every day and new cells are born. Our thoughts and perceptions change every single day. Our dreams are another such example. They take birth using our own intelligence and the material is also some combination of our own memories or events we experienced in our waking state. We too have the power to come out of our dreams by simply waking up. We remain the same and everything else outside of that changes. Essentially the microcosm and the macrocosm are one. Should one be seeing themselves in a better light than they already do? Just like one sees ईश्वर?