When I got caught by the Police

December 30, 2019

In the rearview mirror!

This is a real-life story and I am sure many can relate to this. It used to be an embarrassing incident but since then has turned into a funny story and had inspired a few others in a similar situation. A number of us dealt with that initial anxiety caused by the thought of having to drive, specifically on highways. 

Do you know that driving on highways is one of the most common causes of anxiety? Its phobia version also has a name - Vehophobia.

I lived in California for about a year and a half without owning a car in the times when services like Uber and Lyft didn't exist. I relied on public transport to the extent that I was teased that I always needed to find a rental place next to the train station. After getting a valid license to drive, I finally bought a Car. 

It was 2011, a year after I had bought a red ferrari (aka car) and was actually driving everywhere but with a catch - I had not gone onto freeway alone ever. Every route would usually involve some highway in between, it was a bit tough for me to use it and not end up on the highway. To be my lazy self, I had turned the ‘Avoid highway’ option 'on' in the Garmin GPS device that I had, which meant that it’s going to show only the routes that go through internal city roads. Google Maps is smarter but these devices weren't.

Having survived two layoffs at Adobe during the downturn of 2009-2010, I was in the process of finding a new job. I was appearing for an onsite interview with a company in San Mateo, very close to my house. Almost all of us have some stress before interviews, presentations, etc. and I am no different. I took my car to get to the interview location. I was using my GPS navigator. There was a left turn that needed to be made to drive into the company's parking lot and I missed that!

The lane I was on became ‘Left only’ with a ‘No U-Turn’
 sign. Then the ‘Left only’ lane turned ‘Freeway only’. What more could I expect? It was like some conspiracy against me. My single shot ‘stresspresso’
 turned into a double shot one in no moment - the interview stress and the add-on of ‘I have no clue where am I supposed to go’. 

Remember my non-smart GPS device was on ‘avoid highway’ mode so it stopped telling me any route to get to my destination. The ‘stresspresso’ kicked in and I stopped my car on the side of the freeway entrance which had quite a lot of parking space but was neither a legal nor a safe place to park. 

Trying to find my route back through the dumb GPS device, I was just parked there when I saw the Police car behind me. The policeman came to my window and knocked. I rolled down the window and he said, “Mam, do not come out of the car. Why are you stopped here?”. I told him what had happened and that I was trying to find my way back and I was not comfortable going onto the highway.

We continued to talk through the window. Usually one won't be happy being interrogated by a Police officer but I was relieved that he came and asked. He understood my genuine concern and offered to help.

He said, “I will help you get onto the highway and take the exit”. He took out his loudspeaker and told me to follow him. 
“Look over your shoulder, merge with the traffic ….. take the next exit”, were the words before the man and his voice both disappeared. 

I got to the interview and also got the job offer, though I didn’t end up joining that company.

The 'No U-Turn' sign from that experience remained in my head. After that on a weekend, I decided that it’s going to be a do or die day. I will go onto the freeway and either will get rid of this limitation once and for all or won’t return home. I took the car, got on to Highway 101 and drove from San Mateo to Mountain View just to buy groceries at the Milk Pail Market. Since then I haven’t looked back. I also stopped relying on GPS and trust my mental map and navigation more than the smart maps now. 

Fear of missing the highway exits and not being able to find my way back was probably the primary cause of not wanting to drive on freeway. I dealt with the issue by using Google street view beforehand to familiarize myself with the route and exits. I left the other silent concern of 'who will be in trouble if I accidentally end up in a hospital?' aside.

I also reminded myself that the appearance of fear is a false evidence. Fear, after all, is False Evidence Appearing Real. 

Since then, this incident has become a fun story and every time I shared it, someone would quote either themselves or their friends who still don’t consider driving on the highway. Just recently, a coworker who had recently moved from another country and was in the process of learning to drive here and get a license mentioned that they are still learning and aren’t yet comfortable. Everyone else in that lunch group started sharing their embarrassing yet funny driving stories. 

Hopefully, this story will inspire someone to get past their fear of driving and not take it on themselves, it is a genuine and well known area of concern among many people. And I am glad that my so far the only encounter with the Police was a pleasant one. 

Until next year... 

Listen! Don't try everything in English

I mentor a young schoolgirl in India. We do video calls once a week and during that time I can either help her with anything that she needs help with or I will make her do some exercises. I was told she needs help with English so I focus on English. Frankly speaking, I was a bit conflicted inside that do I want to teach English. I was also told that these kids don't have people in their family who can help them. A whispering voice came from inside, "can you keep your ideologies aside and focus on the need of the hour?". Often we don’t realize that the little time we give to someone can mean so much to them. Let’s call this girl ‘Radhika’ for our conversation. She is in 10th std.

Radhika would ping me on our defined day with a WhatsApp message ‘Hi mam, today is my skype’ which often makes me laugh as I am not used to hearing mam and we don’t end up using skype. My initial impressions about Radhika was that she is a smart and fearless girl. Initially, I was supposed to talk to her in English so that she gets comfortable conversing in English but I decided not to do that and since she understands decent Hindi, we communicate in Hindi. 

In one of our chats, I asked Radhika if she had any specific topic she would like help with. She did come up with a topic - direct and indirect speech. I don't remember learning anything in school since it had been so many years. I explained to her how to convert direct to indirect speech in Hindi. I wanted to avoid just telling the general grammar rules as her teacher might have already done that. Imagine explaining direct and indirect speech in English when your explanation itself will have those. We did a few examples and then she had to rush to school. Before we hung up, I asked her if this was helpful to her. She said, “this was very helpful”. Since then I have seen her improve in the homework.

The next time I asked Radhika the same question, “do you have any specific topics you need help with today?”. "No", she said so I had to come up with a task for her. I made her read a story of a few pages from her textbook to see her level of comprehension. While she had a regional accent, her comprehension was good. I noticed that she has a habit of eating words. She would eat some of the articles (‘a’, ‘the’), interchange them or twist and make new words while in a hurry. I stopped and corrected her every time she did that. Then there was a phrase in one of the sentences - ‘part and parcel’. I asked her if she understood what that means. She read it as ‘part’ and ate ‘the parcel’. I said, "can you explain the meaning of the phrase to me?". To my surprise, instead of coming up with a verbose explanation in English she said ‘अविभाज्य अंग’. Next, there was the phrase ‘new dimension’. And she was quick to say ‘दृष्टिकोण’. Her textbook has English meanings of these phrases. I was so happy as she reminded me of myself during school and my love for the तत्सम words. By now I had guessed that Radhika is strong in Hindi. I was curious if she studies Sanskrit as a subject in school as Hindi isn’t her mother tongue. She smiled and said, “no”. I asked her why she smiled. I thought she might say what will one do with Sanskrit. But she said, “Sanskrit is hard to learn”. I didn’t say much and we moved on to reading the next paragraph. 

Why am I writing about her? Of course, she reminded me of my old days and brought a smile. But more than that I wanted to write about the overly hyped need for English speaking. There are other more dangerous things than not being able to speak in English, like making it mandatory to speak in English in schools, teaching in English when the kids don't know that language, thinking that getting educated in English medium is the only way to get a job, taking English fluency to be a sign of intelligence. Humans are born with a sense of inadequacy and if one is made to feel inadequate because one isn't proficient in a foreign language, it can't be anything other than a disaster.

While the listening, speaking, reading, writing order is probably good for learning one's mother tongue, it seems the reading, writing, comprehending, speaking may be better suited for learning a second language that English is. There is a fundamental difference when one learns something in their mother tongue versus when it is taught in a language that isn't their first language. It is much easier to learn a concept if it's explained in one’s mother tongue or a language close to that. It's also not important to fluently speak in English to feel confident. As long as one can read, write, comprehend it, that fulfills the purpose of learning English for most kids in India. One can get used to converse over time. It would be a bit worrisome to not be able to speak in your mother tongue but that doesn’t apply to other languages.

I don’t know where this girl will go but I do see the potential and the confidence in her. I hope I would be able to influence her fluency in the subtleties of life more than her fluency in English.

Laugh at your own risk

(scene from an Indian Railway compartment, people who don't like middle berth sometimes occupy someone else's berth and don't want to give it to the actual ticket holder)

Ramanashrama and Tiruvannamalai - Nov 2019

When I left for India, I had completely different plans for traveling there. I didn't end up following them due to various reasons. And then the visit to Tiruvannamalai worked out. I was silently hoping to visit the ashram once and it worked out somehow. We went to Tiruvannamalai with an extension to Pondicherry. 

Tiruvannamalai or Thiruvannamalai is a small town in the state of Tamil Nadu. Its named after the Annamalai - Lord of the Mountains, Shiva. The Arunachala hill is considered sacred.  

Arunachaleshwara temple with the Arunachala in the background

This early morning view of the Arunachala hill from the temple was amazing. We were there just after the full moon so the moon was also visible in the background. 

The Temple Gopurams are tall. I love the carvings and the elaborate designs on them. The four gopurams on each side are like the 4 Dwarapaal. The eastern one is the tallest and is called Rajagopuram. 

The eastern gopuram - Rajagopuram, tallest and is 11 stories

Nandi in the Temple

This big Nandi reminded me of my clay nandi. Having worked on the details, it was interesting to see how much details I noticed in this Nandi. 

Next to the Patala Lingam cave

This picture is interesting to me, I did not know I was being clicked from behind. 

This was taken while walking near the temple.

This is the most interesting part of visiting temples. There is just so much intricate art and carvings that you find in these hidden nooks and corners inside temple.

This one had so much detail. Having done some clay sculpting myself, I couldn't imagine the effort it might have taken to carve these on rock.

I had to literally bend down to take this one. Was hidden at the bottom corner of a temple mandapa base. This reminded me of the trip to Hampi few years back, when I got a good collection of these intricate stone carvings. They reflect the history very well.

Since it wasn't possible to find the name of each god figure I saw (names were written in Tamil), I am trying to find the references now. I think this is the personification of River Ganga as goddess on her vehicle Makara. The Makara is an imaginary animal form composed of a fish like body, elephant trunk, feet of lion, eyes of a monkey, ears of a pig and prominent teeth. It can be interpreted as a turbulent state of nature and the ornaments shown coming out of its mouth symbolize the pralaya and the Ganga may be having control over that to make it life giving. Anyways, if one can just take it as water god and do something to save water that would be enough. The symbolism in actually very interesting and leads to a profound understanding of reality than it just being an idol in some temple. 

The vaanar sena is always around in any Indian temple to feed and grow their family. This monkey took the coconut and the banana from someone and gave the banana to her kid. This reminds me of a hike to a hill in Karnataka several years back when a monkey took our cold drink bottle, opened the cap and drank in front of us :)

These pictures were taken randomly in the evening. I was just amazed to see the amount of work on these Gopurams. All I was thinking was how did they make these, did they build it somewhere else and got them here or the sculptors were sitting there to make these. The Gopurams are specific to South Indian Temple architecture so you won't see these in the North Indian temples which have an inverted beehive like structure called 'Shikhara' - mountain peak. 

This kind of completes the highlights of the Arunachaleshwara temple - dedicated to Shiva and is associated with the five elements - Pancha Maha Bhootas. Agni is the element that is worshiped here. Other Pancha Maha Bhoota Sthalams.

Arunachala Hill

We also did a modern (by car) Girivalam or giripradakshina - circumambulation of the Arunachala hill. It's a 14km stretch and people do it on foot. Usually around full moon. It was nice to see the hill from different sides. 

The other major part of the trip was the visit to Ramanashrama. In fact when I thought about the visit, the temple wasn't in my awareness. 

The tree that welcomes into the Ashram

Ramanashrama is very close to the temple. It's right on the main road and the gate feels like a school gate with an arch and board on top. 

It also rained in the evening and the peacock there was roaming around though didn't dance.

Samadhis of pets in the ashram

We sat in meditation and listened to the daily chants for a while. The bookworm inside me began crawling but the book store was closed at that time.   

We wanted to go visit the Virupaksha cave (Ramana Maharshi meditated there) and the Skandashrama. There are 2 ways to reach them. One way is from inside the ashram and other is close to the temple. The one inside ashram is longer. The one close to temple is 10-15 min but steep climb. We were a bit late but still went ahead through the shorter route but some folks who were coming back on the way told that its too steep and also that its probably late. 

The next day we took the way from the ashram. It wasn't too long. The way from the Skandashram to the Virupaksha cave is a path of downhill stairs. We decided not to take the same route back as it looked like getting on the road from the Virupaksha cave would take less time. It looked like we shouldn't have listened to the folks we met yesterday as it wasn't a bad climb for a pahadi. 

Way to Skandashrama and Virupaksha cave

Most people do the hike to the cave barefoot so the path was pretty much clean. There were a few yogi dogs and pigs on the way. 

Mid way you get this beautiful delight of the temple. The pictures are from my phone's camera so aren't doing the justice. 

Vaanar sena on the way 

Virupaksha Cave 

We sat in the cave for some time. There are 2 parts of the cave, the inner one probably the actual cave is a very small and dark chamber and probably accommodates 5-6 people. The outer one is likely built new and can accommodate more (say 10) people.

Monkey who couldn't meditate due to his monkey mind

While we were sitting outside the Virupaksha cave, one local person came and told us to go visit the Mango tree cave as well which was 10 mins climb down from there.

The well on the way to Mango tree cave

Mango tree cave where Maharshi lived

After this we started for Pondicherry. 

Until Next Time.....

Freedom From Fear and Rebuilding Trust

December 8, 2019

The recent Hyderabad veterinarian incident brought some thoughts from some experiences I had this time while I was in India. The fundamental problem behind these incidents isn’t really specific to India as we know, the crime against women is a global issue. 

The ongoing women’s dignity and safety issues made me think about how deeply-rooted the fears we have that we live with every day. There were 2 times when I had all the reasons to be careful and then the hidden fears underneath showed up on the surface. Being on either side of mistrust is ugly. 

I was traveling in a cab (a trusted one and I had no reason to feel unsafe) from one place to another through a bit deserted location, unknown to me and coincidently in Hyderabad. I have a habit of keeping maps navigation on while I ride in cabs. Almost 10 minutes into the ride, I noticed we are not on any of the routes I would expect us to be. I managed to keep calm and questioned the driver “where ARE you going?”. It looked like some miscommunication or mishearing on his side that he had a completely different destination in his mind. We sorted out the confusion, course-corrected, he profusely apologized and I told him that it’s all good, it was only a misunderstanding and not really his fault. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at the deep-rooted fears we have been living with every day. 

The second time I was outside with my sister and 6 yr old niece and after struggling to get an uber we finally found an autorickshaw (3 wheeler) to get back home from an area I am not very familiar in Bangalore. A few minutes into the ride the guy took a U-turn to a different route. My ‘alert’ antenna went up and I started questioning him. At that moment I turned on the navigation in maps. Then the guy started asking questions to my niece about her school including location, names of her teacher, etc. A child can only speak the truth so she answered and then soon slept off. His questions seemed unnecessary and I could see the sense of concern on my sister’s face. I silently told myself that we could scream or jump out of the autorickshaw if needed and then decided to enquire about him instead of letting him ask us more personal questions. I was curious about his extreme interest in my niece. Turned out the guy was a family man with a kid of similar age and worked as an auto driver for school kids drop-offs. Throughout the trip, he took many detours through small and not so well lit alleys and at one point I told him to just take the main road even if it takes longer to go from there. By the end of the trip, I knew about his family history, where he and his sister studied, and his life philosophies. My conclusion about him was that he was a well-intentioned super talkative person who wants to make a genuine connection with his passengers but is living in a world where trust has been eroded so much that it will be a while before we can have such conversations and not doubt a potential mishap. 

The fundamental need to live life with dignity and the sense that this freedom can easily be violated has caused a lot of women to constantly live in fear. No wonder we are seeing the women only parks, women driven cab services and such. It was uncomfortable to feel the same fears surface up now and then but the opportunity to be curious made the difference. Once you get past that, you would have likely discovered a new dimension that wasn’t visible before. Fear creates duality – it projects itself, distorting reality, creating false perceptions, changing the story leading to bad judgments. The outside world will change on its own time but till then meditation is probably the only foolproof way to transmute the mind and get rid of the impressions of the past.

Be careful, not fearful!